One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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