Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize