who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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