all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
