why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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