Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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