my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
