I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize