if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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