i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
