My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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