The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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