just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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