the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
