I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
