The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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