ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
