I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
