wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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