Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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