the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
