He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
