Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
