Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
