I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
