he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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