I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
