we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
