There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize