Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
