The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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