so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
