I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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