He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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