I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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