I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
