Please, let me fuck your mom
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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