i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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