I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
