I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Boobs speak an international language.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize