Well douche your snatch and let's go!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
