trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
