mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
