So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
