I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
