You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
