saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
