I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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