You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i need some magic done to my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
