Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
