The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
