I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
