So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
