I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
