Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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