we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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