i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
