im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
