Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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