My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
