Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
