we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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