you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How does one acquire holy water?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
