hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
