I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
