she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
