are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
