i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
