yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We're too hungover to prance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
